Another Stoopid Tuxedo Rental Story, but this one's worth the read

My youngest sister is getting married this weekend. Yes Donger, married.

The whole Janko clan is standing up. Mama is the matron of honor, Andrew's the ring bearer and Toad is handing out programs and orchestrating the adult beverages for the reception.

Today I was on the phone whining to my Mom when the 2nd line beeped in. I didn't have time to look at the Caller ID, I just answered. (It was Men's Wearhouse/Whorehouse)

Janko: Hello!!!!

Men's Whorehouse Worker sounding all serious, in her mid 40s: Hi, is Andrew there?

Janko: Ahh, no. He's in school right now. This is his Mom. Can I help you with something?

MWW: Yea. Andrew's tux is ready and we'd like him to come in and try it on. Could you give him the message, please?

Janko: Ahhh. Yes, I will tell him.

MHW: Oh, and can you make sure he knows we'd like him to come up as soon as possible. We're open til 9 tonight.

Janko: Sure, just so you know, Andrew usually practices his upper and lower case letters when he gets off the bus at about 4:30, then we have dinner, he showers and he's in bed by 8:30. It'll be no problem for him to be there by 9.

MHW: Great. If he could get here by 9 that would be helpful.

Janko (wondering if the woman heard ANYTHING that I said): Okay. Hey, do you know if Gregg will be workin tonight?

MHW: You mean the manager, Greggory? I'm not sure what his schedule is. If he's workng til close he might be taking a late lunch.

Janko: (wondering why it matters when Greggory takes his lunch, and oh shit. There really is a Gregg working there!)

MHW: Can I give Greggory a message for you or something?

Janko: No, I'll just look for him tonight.

MHW: Have a good night. Please make sure to give Andrew the important message!

First things first, I need a name for a female Gregg. Toad tells me Gregg is not gender specific but it sounds weird to call a woman a Gregg.

The woman has Andrew's size in front of her. Did she think he was a grown man with a waist of 19 inches and 4 feet tall?

We never went to get the tux. We hit the Dollar Tree and Andrew bought a rifle set with his college money.

Don't vote

I like to think of myself as someone who knows just enough about politics to talk ignorantly, yell obscenities at the TV when a political ad pops up, and challenge people (who I'm hoping are dumber than me) so I can sound reasonably informed and intelligent.

But over the last several weeks I realized something. McCain and Yo Mama Obama are both good people. I think they both want what's best for the country. Sure, they have different ideas about how to go about gettin er done, but I'm tired of trying to figure who's way is better.

I stood in line for 3.5 hours in the sweltering heat to hear Obama speak at Harrt Plaza. What a waste. I was sweating bullets, getting crabby and that creep got up there for about 3 minutes and spoke about the fact that everyone is fightin their own battle of sorts. And many of em are silent fights. We need to come together as one and help eachother. Yeah, I can dig that, but say something more motivational to get me fired up. Tell me you're gonna lower the price of baby formula. Tell me that these gas stations charging one price for cash and another for credit cards ain't right.

Then I try to look objectively at McCain and MILF and I get scared. REAL scared. She's about as sharp as the $19.95 knife set I got as a wedding present 11 years ago. That thing was dull then and even duller now. Those glasses show signs of a struggler. But her bananer clip is downright awful. I don't want her weighing in on big decisions. Hell, I'm embarrased to have her meet foreign nation's leaders looking the way she does. She's an 80s hot mess.

The "change" mantra is getting irritatin, too.

My brohter in law said it best as he was roasting his mallows and making a mean ass s'more:

"Yeah, we need CHANGE allright. This shit's gotta CHANGE right now, mofos."

(Okay, you got me. He didn't say mofos cause he's too classy for that kind of language. But he burnt his smore over it. Got all caught up in the political moment and the next thing you know, the mallow is the size of a dime and bitch black.)

So, don't vote.

Pray.