Don't vote

I like to think of myself as someone who knows just enough about politics to talk ignorantly, yell obscenities at the TV when a political ad pops up, and challenge people (who I'm hoping are dumber than me) so I can sound reasonably informed and intelligent.

But over the last several weeks I realized something. McCain and Yo Mama Obama are both good people. I think they both want what's best for the country. Sure, they have different ideas about how to go about gettin er done, but I'm tired of trying to figure who's way is better.

I stood in line for 3.5 hours in the sweltering heat to hear Obama speak at Harrt Plaza. What a waste. I was sweating bullets, getting crabby and that creep got up there for about 3 minutes and spoke about the fact that everyone is fightin their own battle of sorts. And many of em are silent fights. We need to come together as one and help eachother. Yeah, I can dig that, but say something more motivational to get me fired up. Tell me you're gonna lower the price of baby formula. Tell me that these gas stations charging one price for cash and another for credit cards ain't right.

Then I try to look objectively at McCain and MILF and I get scared. REAL scared. She's about as sharp as the $19.95 knife set I got as a wedding present 11 years ago. That thing was dull then and even duller now. Those glasses show signs of a struggler. But her bananer clip is downright awful. I don't want her weighing in on big decisions. Hell, I'm embarrased to have her meet foreign nation's leaders looking the way she does. She's an 80s hot mess.

The "change" mantra is getting irritatin, too.

My brohter in law said it best as he was roasting his mallows and making a mean ass s'more:

"Yeah, we need CHANGE allright. This shit's gotta CHANGE right now, mofos."

(Okay, you got me. He didn't say mofos cause he's too classy for that kind of language. But he burnt his smore over it. Got all caught up in the political moment and the next thing you know, the mallow is the size of a dime and bitch black.)

So, don't vote.

Pray.